Canceling the phrase “How are you?”

The phrase “how are you?” is such a broad and complex question and I often find it hard to respond to, at least respond honestly.  “How are you?” is very overused and I am guilty of it as well.  I literally find myself asking it to someone as I walk away from them and sometimes I do not even listen to their answer. The phrase has turned into more of a greeting than an actual question.  People often respond with: “good!”, “great!”, “fine!”, when in fact, they are not good, great, or fine. In my opinion, answering that way is just a tendency society has adapted to because of how overused this phrase is.  We start subconsciously hiding our true feelings and masking them with words like “good”, “great”, and “fine”.  I want to share with you ways to check in on someone that is more meaningful, intentional, and stirring.  Even asking something more specific like, “has anything interesting happened in your life recently?” is a much more welcoming question. 

7 Ways to check in on someone without asking “How are you?”


Ask them to do something with you

Get a cup of coffee, go on a walk, grab lunch, watch a movie, etc. Showing interest is a much more meaningful way to check in on them.



Sharing that you are thinking about them will make them feel significant and valued. Even if you send a simple quote or meme followed with “this made me think of you” or “thinking of you”, will have a positive impact on their day. 


Give them a call or FACE-TIME

A great way to catch up on everything with them in a meaningful and intentional way. When someone I have not talked to in a while pops up as a phone call on my phone, I feel pure excitement. 


Tell them you miss them

Three words, so simple yet so powerful. Telling someone you miss them will make them feel like they are special and have an importance in your life. 


Send a photo of a memory you had together

If you are not sure how to find the words to check in on them, sending a picture of a memory you both had together can be even more powerful.  A picture of a good memory sparks emotions and feelings that they may have had from that day and temporarily takes their mind off of other things that may be getting in the way.


Share what they mean to you

Whether it is thanking them for the happiness they have brought you or expressing the gratitude you have for their presence, this is a meaningful way to make them feel important and loved.



This is a way to make them feel special, warm, supported, and appreciated.  It is a great way to make someone smile.  Especially if a friend of yours is going through a hard time, telling them that you love them will remind them that they are not alone, they are enough, and will push them to keep going.

People making the effort to reach out to me first, even in the smallest ways, is so meaningful. It can get discouraging when you feel like people only talk to you if you initiate contact or if they need something from you. Often when people don’t check in it makes you feel un-likeable. Did I do something wrong? It’s amazing how even the smallest gesture can be so powerful and significant. 

It is also important to beware that sometimes people will not respond back for a bunch of reasons.  However, receiving a text that someone was thinking of them will undoubtedly shine a light on their day. 

A simple check in means to world to someone. If you have a friend that you have been meaning to text, a friend that is going through a lot, a friend that has been feeling down, go send them a text right now and make their day. 

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